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286 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
1. You must first learn to pronounce Newark. It is New-erk, not New-ark. (Actually, it's pronounced 'NORK'.)

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon . The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on the NJ Turnpike is 85 mph. On the Garden State Parkway it's 105 or 110. Anything less is considered 'Wussy. '

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Jersey has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest suffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, in Monmouth County , SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. EVER. It's another offense that can get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of Jersey. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats, barrels, cones, celebs, rubber-neckers, shredded tires, cell-phoners, deer and other road kill, and the homeless feeding on any of these items.

9. Mapquest does not work here -- none of the roads are where they say they are or go where they say they do. And all the Turnpike EZ pass lanes are moved each night once again to make your ride more exciting.

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally activated.'

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off' accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.

12. Do not try to estimate travel time -- just leave Monday afternoon for Tuesday appoint me nts, by noon Thursday for Friday, and right after church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.

Follow these simple tips and you should make it through the day alive in New Jersey!

I Have A S-10 Addiction
1,595 Posts

509 Posts
Basic rules for driving in Boston

Yes, everything you've heard about driving in Boston is true. If you're from some mild-mannered place like Nebraska, just turn around now - or stick to cabs and the subway!
Some rules:

To obtain a general idea of how to drive in Boston, go to a Celtics game and carefully watch the fast break. Then get behind the wheel of your car and practice it.
Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.
When in doubt, accelerate.
Very generally speaking, the intransigence of the Boston driveris directly proportional to the expense of his American-made car, and inversely proportional to the expense of his foreign-made car. But in applying this formula, bear in mind that they are all more or less intransigent.
In the long run, parking your car in a lot is always cheaper than parking it at a meter.
Drivers whose cars sport "I Brake For Animals" bumper stickers may brake for animals, but they may not brake for you. Watch it.
Never drive behind a person whose head doesn't reach the top of the steering wheel.
Teenage drivers believe they are immortal. Don't yield to the temptation to teach them otherwise.
Taxicabs should always have the right of way, unless you are bent on suicide.
Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car.
The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you see. Grab it.
Learn to swerve abruptly. Boston is the home of slalom driving, thanks to the Registry of Motor Vehicles, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
Steer clear of people with antinuclear bumper stickers pasted on their cars. They are interested in preserving mankind, which is admirable. But they are not necessarily interested in preserving you, or themselves, for that matter. They have more important things to think about.
Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive body work.
Double-park in the North End of Boston, unless triple-parking is available.
Always look both ways when running a red light.
While it is possible to fit a 15-foot car into a 15-foot parking space, it is seldom possible to fit a 16-foot car into a 15-foot parking space. Sad but true.
There is no such thing as a short cut during rush-hour traffic in Boston.
It is traditional in Boston to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.
Never put your faith in signs that purport to provide directions. They are put there to confuse people who don't know their way around the city.
Use extreme caution when pulling into breakdown lanes. Breakdown lanes are not for breaking down, but for speeding, especially during rush hour.
Never use directional signals, since they only confound and distract other Boston drivers, who are not used to them.
Similarly, never attempt to give hand signals, Boston drivers, unused to such courtesies, will think you are waving them on to pass you.
The yellow light is not, as commonly supposed outside the Boston area, a signal to slow down. It is a warning to speed up and get through the intersection before the light turns red.
Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right.
In making a left turn from the right lane, employ the element of surprise. That is, do it as suddenly as possible, so as to stun other drivers.
Speed limits are arbitrary figures posted only to make you feel guilty.
Whenever possible, stop in the middle of a crosswalk to insure inconveniencing as many pedestrians as possible.
Remember that the goal of every Boston driver is to get there first by whatever means necessary.
Above all, keep moving.

And good luck. You'll need it.

I got this from google, I didn't write it.

9,778 Posts
To add to the list from personal experience:

Never come to a full stop at a stop sign.

If you are the first car in a line at a red light, never pause for more than .3 seconds after a light turns green or you will be honked at and cursed out

"no u turn", "no turn on red", and "no thru traffic" signs can all be ignored

Learn how to drive a circle or get rear ended

Learn how to go 2 cars at a time at a 4 way stop or get rear ended

Yes, 295 north turns into 95 south even though you're still headed in a straight line due north

Learn the difference between accesslink cars and cop cars from a distance

Learn how to eat a burrito, talk on a cell phone, and drive stick shift at the same time at 80+ mph

The photo terrorist
3,336 Posts
id say that covers nj

Hello there!
5,227 Posts
Driving in Nashville!

1. Always drive 5 MPH slower than the posted speed limit. 15 MPH slower if you're old or a woman.

2. Brake randomly even if there is nothing in front of you

3. Never use horn unless it's a Dixie horn. Use of a standard car horn will provoke drivers into slamming on their brakes and driving even slower.

4. Crash randomly into the nearest guard rail, telephone pole, or highway sand drum.

5. Never drive within 100 feet of a car that needs extensive body work.

6. Half the cars in Nashville need body work, the rest are brand new and probably haven't been wrecked or repossessed yet!

7. Never drive within 1000 feet of a Western Express semi.

8. Always drink and drive! If you are pulled over, offer the police man a beer.

9. Never secure a load to your pickup truck or trailer.

10. Crash into the washing machine or T.V. that has fallen out of a pickup truck. Hit it so that it gets pushed into other lanes with heavy traffic.

11. All diesel powered or carburated vehicles must blow black smoke.

12. Whenever the weatherman announces snow! Go out to the grocery store and buy bread and milk. On the way home get into an accident and blame it on slick roads even though it hasn't snowed or iced yet!

**** YOU
18,901 Posts
sine everyone else is posting.. heres one i found on houston...

The 19 Cardinal Rules Of Driving In Houston

1. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting construction barrels. (Bonus points are awarded for getting out of your car and moving the barrels.)

2. Turn signals provide clues as to your next move in the road battle so never use them.

3. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you no matter how fast you're going. If you do, the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

4. The faster you drive through a red light, the less your chance of getting hit.

5. The car with the most extensive body work automatically has the right of way. (Remember no-fault insurance. He might not have as much to lose as you do.)

6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to insure that your anti-lock braking system kicks in to give you a nice relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates.

7. Construction signs are carefully positioned to tell you about road closures immediately after you pass the last opportunity to exit, but just before the traffic begins to back up.

8. The electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide useful information, but just to tell time and make Houston look progressive.

9. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway. Passing on the shoulder is encouraged; that's why they're paved.

10. Speed limits are arbitrary figures to make Texas look as if it conforms with other state policies; these are intended only as suggestions and are actually unenforceable.

11. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

12. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic.

13. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even a person changing a tire. If you're lucky, you may see the unlucky breakdown victim get mugged.

14. Learn to swerve abruptly. Houston is the home of the very high-speed slalom driving thanks to Texas Department of Transportation (TxDOT), who put potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes. Parts of truck tires are left on new highways where potholes haven't yet been established.

15. It is considered correct in Houston to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes. Our city is founded upon such traditions.

16. Seeking eye contact with another driver automatically revokes your right of way.

17. Giving the finger may invite armed retaliation. Be sure that your rifle is on the gun rack in the rear window and visible rather than lying on the seat.

18. When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits lead to Louisiana.

19. You don't have to wait for an exit to get off a freeway, just follow the ruts in the grass to the frontage road like everyone else. This is how Houston residents notify TxDOT where exits should have been built.

7,371 Posts
9. Mapquest does not work here -- none of the roads are where they say they are or go where they say they do. And all the Turnpike EZ pass lanes are moved each night once again to make your ride more exciting.

**** yeah that's true. Me and my buddies got lost as **** going to the Grounded 4 Life show because Jersey sucks fat cock.

9,778 Posts
For example, US 322 is a major highway that goes almost all the way through NJ. It breaks off at a random street and then picks up again a mile down that street.

broke college student
2,235 Posts
One night I was talking with my friend who is from jersey. I was making fun of people from Massachusetts (or "Massholes" as they're called up here) and how they drive. I swear In the summer they all migrate up here to Maine to purposely drive like morons and cut people off (while looking for ocean front property to buy). He then said "go drive in jersey, theres a difference. In mass people drive like assholes but they know how to drive and maintain control of their vehicle. People from jersey just know how to operate the gas pedal and their middle finger."

59 Posts
thats fairly accurate, except for that "NORK" part, dunno who came up with that BS :haha:
I live in PA and work with guys who live in NJ. They all told me that I say Newark wrong. They pronounce it "NORK", like mentioned above. I think it's because ALMOST everyone in NJ is an A**hole! :rotf:
15,113 Posts
I live in PA and work with guys who live in NJ. They all told me that I say Newark wrong. They pronounce it "NORK", like mentioned above. I think it's because ALMOST everyone in NJ is an A**hole! :rotf:
Well, the correct New Jersey pronunciation of Newark is: "New-eerk"

There is also a Newark in Delaware, that one is pronounced: "New-arc"

I believe there is a Newark in Ohio as well, no clue on how that one goes, lol.

As for New Jersians being assholes, they all live up in north Jersey where they say shit like Nork :rolleyes: :rotf:
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