Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01 - S-10 Forum
S-10 Forum is the resource on GM S-series trucks, Suspension, engine information, Body Modifications, painting tutorials.  Modifications to suit every need, budget and whim

Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

Go Back   S-10 Forum > OT Forums > Off-Topic
New User? Register Forgot Password


 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 01-23-2006, 01:43 PM   #1
Expletive Deleted
 
Chilloutski's Avatar
 
Age: 30
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 2,970
Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
User is: OffLine
Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

After finding out about how Mr. Norris found out about the Emails being sent around (Woah what?), Another Forum of mine decided to go all out and make up brand spanking new Norrisisms for you all to piss yourselves with.

Or at the very least, for you all to reply hatefully because you're (a cocksucker) sick of hearing everything to do with the Norris.

Here we go.

  • On the first day, God made Chuck Norris. Then Chuck Norris did all the hard ****ing work, while God lay around on his ass all week eating bonbons. Chuck Norris never gets the ****ing credit Chuck Norris ****ing deserves.
  • When Chuck Norris works out, he has a small crew of Asian women who catch his sweat in little bottles and sell it on Ebay as a powerful aphrodesiac. And lubricant.
  • At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris
  • Chuck Norris is an avid swimmer. On Boxing Day, 2004, He did a Cannon Ball in his backyard pool on the small Californian Island of Catalina. Any events that followed are strictly coincidental, and all nay-sayers will be roundhouse kicked into agreement.
  • The 'c' in Einstein's 'E = mc^2' equation originally stood for Chuck Norris. But Einstein realized no human mind could fully grasp the concept of Chuck Norris multiplied by Chuck Norris, so he dumbed it down to something easier to understand, like the speed of light.
  • Achilles is supposedly the greatest warrior of all time, but he died because of his weak spot: the Achilles tendon. There is no Chuck Norris tendon.
  • Chuck Norris lifted himself to fame by his own petard. Chuck Norris does lots of cool things with his petard. You probably don't even have one.
  • One time, in the 70's, Chuck Norris was in canada and a mugger tried to rob him. He delivered a round house kick to the mugger so hard it not only killed him, but ended all crime in Canada. That was also the only time Canada was ever cool.
  • A rabbi, a priest, and a Muslim walked into a bar, and Chuck Norris killed them all with a single roundhouse kick. Chuck Norris is a highly spiritual, culturally tolerant man, but hack joke setups really piss him off.
  • Chuck Norris has to sleep with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris has been the "Employee of the Month" at the buffet down the street from me every month since they've opened. He's never even been there.
  • To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer, Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer, only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
  • Chuck Norris beat IBM's Deep Blue in chess in under 30 seconds, then killed the families of the engineers who designed it because Chuck Norris has no patience for incompetence.
  • Chuck Norris plays Tennis with a 10lb ball bearing.
  • In a bout of foolish experimentation, Chuck Norris mated with a Great Dane. This led to the creation of Cerberus, The mythological three-headed beast that guards Hades.
  • Jesus Christ wears a bracelet that has "WWCND?" on it.
  • How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it.
  • Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
  • When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."


Old 01-23-2006, 01:49 PM   #2
THE SDIME98
 
stepasyd's Avatar
 
Age: 29
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 51,318
Location: North Carolina
User is: OffLine
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

eh, some of em are funny?
Old 01-23-2006, 01:54 PM   #3
355 member
 
scrubz's Avatar
 
Age: 29
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 13,473
Location: Charlotte, NC
User is: OffLine
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

I like the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris one
Old 01-23-2006, 02:00 PM   #4
SHENANIGANS!!!
 
projo198's Avatar
 
Age: 36
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 5,857
Location: your little sister's room.
User is: OffLine
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

WWCND. Classic.
Old 01-23-2006, 02:03 PM   #5
Get Bent
 
Deepskyy's Avatar
 
Age: 34
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 6,156
Location: Charlotte and Marion N.C.
User is: OffLine
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

One time, in the 70's, Chuck Norris was in canada and a mugger tried to rob him. He delivered a round house kick to the mugger so hard it not only killed him, but ended all crime in Canada. That was also the only time Canada was ever cool.

best one of the group
Old 01-23-2006, 02:12 PM   #6
//NC\\
 
rjs04's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 1,054
Location: Elizabethton, TN
User is: OffLine
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris

This is the best one IMO
Old 01-23-2006, 02:59 PM   #7
Have a nice day!
 
ProTouring2.2's Avatar
 
Age: 26
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 9,778
Location: NJ
User is: OffLine
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

some of these have already been said before
Old 01-23-2006, 03:07 PM   #8
Expletive Deleted
 
Chilloutski's Avatar
 
Age: 30
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 2,970
Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
User is: OffLine
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

I hate to burst your bubble, greenflame, But you can make all the claims you want, I still know the facts.

These were all Posted to a message board full of comedic geniuses (.. this may or may not be true, some of them are idiots) in a span of about 3 hours during the afternoon. The entire thread was dedicated to creating new ones, And I personally wrote about 10 of those.

Tell me, Which ones are recycled?
Old 01-23-2006, 03:13 PM   #9
better days
 
jesse6's Avatar
 
Age: 25
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 711
Location: Naples Fl
User is: OffLine
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

they are getting too long, short and to the point are the funniest ones.
Old 01-23-2006, 03:21 PM   #10
Expletive Deleted
 
Chilloutski's Avatar
 
Age: 30
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 2,970
Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
User is: OffLine
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

Quote: Originally Posted by jesse6
they are getting too long, short and to the point are the funniest ones.
I agree.

I think they go along the same lines as that one Family guy where the guy bashes his shin and keeps going "*deep breath*... Aaahhhhhhh...." about 10 times over.

Its funny.
Then Its redundant.
Then its STILL GOING.
And then its funny again.
Old 01-23-2006, 03:23 PM   #11
Registered User
 
Age: 31
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 8,614
Location:
User is: OffLine
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

Chuck Norris went to and dropped out of the high school I went to
Old 01-23-2006, 03:24 PM   #12
CHANGE YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS
 
pirranah's Avatar
 
Age: 33
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 8,856
Location:
User is: OffLine
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

i don't know why, but i like the woodchuck one
Old 01-23-2006, 03:28 PM   #13
S10 *****'s Youth Pastor
 
LOOKIN4S10's Avatar
 
Age: 33
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 668
Location: Stark City, MO
User is: OffLine
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

Subscribed.
Old 01-23-2006, 04:26 PM   #14
Registered User
 
93dime's Avatar
 
Age: 25
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 709
Location: VA/MD
User is: OffLine
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

When Chuck Norris was a teenager, he once impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the Himalaya mountains. 9 months later, the nuns all gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in NFL history


haah thats my favorite one but its not on the list
Old 01-23-2006, 05:10 PM   #15
Have a nice day!
 
ProTouring2.2's Avatar
 
Age: 26
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 9,778
Location: NJ
User is: OffLine
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

Quote: Originally Posted by Chilloutski
I hate to burst your bubble, greenflame, But you can make all the claims you want, I still know the facts.

These were all Posted to a message board full of comedic geniuses (.. this may or may not be true, some of them are idiots) in a span of about 3 hours during the afternoon. The entire thread was dedicated to creating new ones, And I personally wrote about 10 of those.

Tell me, Which ones are recycled?
- To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer, Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer, only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.



- Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

taken straight from www.4q.cc/chuck


edit: both of them are on the top 30...
http://4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty


word for word, check for yourself

Last edited by ProTouring2.2; 01-23-2006 at 05:16 PM.
Old 01-23-2006, 05:29 PM   #16
The Der
 
Age: 32
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 9,416
Location: Lakeland, FL
User is: OffLine
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."
Old 01-23-2006, 06:06 PM   #17
Expletive Deleted
 
Chilloutski's Avatar
 
Age: 30
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 2,970
Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
User is: OffLine
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

Quote: Originally Posted by greenflameS10

taken straight from www.4q.cc/chuck


edit: both of them are on the top 30...
http://4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty


word for word, check for yourself
I concede, Dude.

However, Neither of those were mine, But I called out the plagarism on the offenders of the other forum.

Douches. Heh.
Old 01-23-2006, 09:44 PM   #18
Have a nice day!
 
ProTouring2.2's Avatar
 
Age: 26
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 9,778
Location: NJ
User is: OffLine
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

Quote: Originally Posted by Chilloutski
I concede, Dude.

However, Neither of those were mine, But I called out the plagarism on the offenders of the other forum.

Douches. Heh.
werd...don't **** with chuck
Old 06-30-2009, 09:50 PM   #19
Registered User
 
Age: 22
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1
Location:
User is: OffLine
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

Well, I have never seen the following Chuck Norrisisms anywhere yet:

1: God is everywhere, except withing kicking distance of Chuck Norris

2: Brian Regan's last comedy special was "The Epitome of Hyperbole". I say the last because Chuck Norris takes the title as a personal insult.

3: Didn't you hear? The Most Interesting Man in the World was killed when he told Chuck that he already drank the last José Quérvo (or however you spell it) in the bar he just happened to be in.

4: **** you, Deep Thought! (hitchhicker's guide reference) Chuck Norris is the answer to everything!

5: December 21, 2012 is the date Chuck Norris gets really pissed off!
Old 06-30-2009, 10:01 PM   #20
Registered User
 
DigitalSoCal's Avatar
 
Age: 31
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 4,071
Location: Foothill Ranch, CA
User is: OffLine
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

nice thread dig
Old 06-30-2009, 10:04 PM   #21
Oh shit....
 
CommanderKidUT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 33
Location: The Moon
User is: OffLine
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

Quote: Originally Posted by DigitalSoCal
nice thread dig
goes with the username i guess
Old 06-30-2009, 10:07 PM   #22
Check your ground
 
556mm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 30,829
Location:
User is: OffLine
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

*insert facepalm smiley*
Old 06-30-2009, 10:44 PM   #23
Trust Me
 
The Griff's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 24,458
Location: Zegema Beach
User is: OffLine
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

Ss > Cn
Old 06-30-2009, 10:55 PM   #24
LSX LUV Owner
 
Wicked Mayhem's Avatar

 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Posts: 18,687
Location: The Garage
User is: OffLine
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

roundhouse gets old.
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the S-10 Forum forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:15 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Copyright ©2000 - 2011, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd. SEO by vBSEO 3.2.0
SEO by vBSEO
vBulletin Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.