Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01 - S-10 Forum
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
post #1 of 24 Old 01-23-2006, 01:43 PM Thread Starter
Expletive Deleted
 
Chilloutski's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
Age: 32
Posts: 2,970

User is: Chilloutski is offline
Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

After finding out about how Mr. Norris found out about the Emails being sent around (Woah what?), Another Forum of mine decided to go all out and make up brand spanking new Norrisisms for you all to piss yourselves with.

Or at the very least, for you all to reply hatefully because you're (a cocksucker) sick of hearing everything to do with the Norris.

Here we go.

  • On the first day, God made Chuck Norris. Then Chuck Norris did all the hard ****ing work, while God lay around on his ass all week eating bonbons. Chuck Norris never gets the ****ing credit Chuck Norris ****ing deserves.
  • When Chuck Norris works out, he has a small crew of Asian women who catch his sweat in little bottles and sell it on Ebay as a powerful aphrodesiac. And lubricant.
  • At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris
  • Chuck Norris is an avid swimmer. On Boxing Day, 2004, He did a Cannon Ball in his backyard pool on the small Californian Island of Catalina. Any events that followed are strictly coincidental, and all nay-sayers will be roundhouse kicked into agreement.
  • The 'c' in Einstein's 'E = mc^2' equation originally stood for Chuck Norris. But Einstein realized no human mind could fully grasp the concept of Chuck Norris multiplied by Chuck Norris, so he dumbed it down to something easier to understand, like the speed of light.
  • Achilles is supposedly the greatest warrior of all time, but he died because of his weak spot: the Achilles tendon. There is no Chuck Norris tendon.
  • Chuck Norris lifted himself to fame by his own petard. Chuck Norris does lots of cool things with his petard. You probably don't even have one.
  • One time, in the 70's, Chuck Norris was in canada and a mugger tried to rob him. He delivered a round house kick to the mugger so hard it not only killed him, but ended all crime in Canada. That was also the only time Canada was ever cool.
  • A rabbi, a priest, and a Muslim walked into a bar, and Chuck Norris killed them all with a single roundhouse kick. Chuck Norris is a highly spiritual, culturally tolerant man, but hack joke setups really piss him off.
  • Chuck Norris has to sleep with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris has been the "Employee of the Month" at the buffet down the street from me every month since they've opened. He's never even been there.
  • To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer, Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer, only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
  • Chuck Norris beat IBM's Deep Blue in chess in under 30 seconds, then killed the families of the engineers who designed it because Chuck Norris has no patience for incompetence.
  • Chuck Norris plays Tennis with a 10lb ball bearing.
  • In a bout of foolish experimentation, Chuck Norris mated with a Great Dane. This led to the creation of Cerberus, The mythological three-headed beast that guards Hades.
  • Jesus Christ wears a bracelet that has "WWCND?" on it.
  • How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it.
  • Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
  • When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."



Matt - 2.2 Litre absolutely-nothing eater.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TobyTheSandwich View Post
TVs are for losers. Real men whittle.

Chilloutski is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 24 Old 01-23-2006, 01:49 PM
THE SDIME98
 
stepasyd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: da 28352.
Age: 30
Posts: 51,325

User is: stepasyd is offline
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

eh, some of em are funny?


(SOLD) - 98 Regular Cab Stepside - (SOLD)

- 03 Crewcab ZR5 -

Yea, I'm still here.


stepasyd is offline  
post #3 of 24 Old 01-23-2006, 01:54 PM
355 member
 
scrubz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Charlotte, NC
Age: 31
Posts: 13,485

User is: scrubz is offline
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

I like the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris one



Quote:
Originally Posted by dngrous_dime View Post
Zomg, joo are not teh hardcorz if joo don't destroi ur framz!!!!11!1!!111!!!!11ELEVEN!!111
Quote:
Originally Posted by 01cherryreds10 View Post
It's probably the truck I like the most on this forum because it was the first I ever saw bagged and laying frame. Thank you
scrubz is offline  
post #4 of 24 Old 01-23-2006, 02:00 PM
SHENANIGANS!!!
 
projo198's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: your little sister's room.
Age: 37
Posts: 5,857

User is: projo198 is offline
Send a message via AIM to projo198
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

WWCND. Classic.

Click here to check out my project thread, "CUSTOM NINJA".
Woman are like pool sticks; the best reason to get a new one is because you got mad and broke your old one.
projo198 is offline  
post #5 of 24 Old 01-23-2006, 02:03 PM
Get Bent
 
Deepskyy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Charlotte and Marion N.C.
Age: 36
Posts: 6,156

User is: Deepskyy is offline
Send a message via AIM to Deepskyy Send a message via MSN to Deepskyy
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

One time, in the 70's, Chuck Norris was in canada and a mugger tried to rob him. He delivered a round house kick to the mugger so hard it not only killed him, but ended all crime in Canada. That was also the only time Canada was ever cool.

best one of the group

Andy
1999 Sonoma.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joker Relentless View Post
Tie a Downs Syndrome kid to the hood and crash into a day care full of babies...but I can't think straight enough to come up with something like that right now, so you're just going to have to deal with what I give you. Its like I tell my wife sometimes when I'm trying to get some..."Take it or leave it, but either way, I'm going to get off." **** I'm drunk.
Deepskyy is offline  
post #6 of 24 Old 01-23-2006, 02:12 PM
//NC\\
 
rjs04's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Elizabethton, TN
Age: 30
Posts: 1,054

User is: rjs04 is offline
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris

This is the best one IMO

RAILIN REALITIES...Like our work? Let us put yours on the pavement.
1995 s10 ext cab- Bagged and Bodydropped to the rockers on 18/20 Budniks...Under major reconstruction and getting a new powerplant...see it here...http://www.s10forum.com/forum/f30/fe...f-hand-417636/

07 2500hd Dirtymax 4 door- tow rig/daily driver
rjs04 is offline  
post #7 of 24 Old 01-23-2006, 02:59 PM
Have a nice day!
 
ProTouring2.2's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: NJ
Age: 27
Posts: 9,778

User is: ProTouring2.2 is offline
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

some of these have already been said before

New whip: '90 240sx hatch with SR20DET and some other stuff...



Co-founder of the Anti-Bag Coalition
"Bags are for groceries"
ProTouring2.2 is offline  
post #8 of 24 Old 01-23-2006, 03:07 PM Thread Starter
Expletive Deleted
 
Chilloutski's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
Age: 32
Posts: 2,970

User is: Chilloutski is offline
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

I hate to burst your bubble, greenflame, But you can make all the claims you want, I still know the facts.

These were all Posted to a message board full of comedic geniuses (.. this may or may not be true, some of them are idiots) in a span of about 3 hours during the afternoon. The entire thread was dedicated to creating new ones, And I personally wrote about 10 of those.

Tell me, Which ones are recycled?

Matt - 2.2 Litre absolutely-nothing eater.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TobyTheSandwich View Post
TVs are for losers. Real men whittle.

Chilloutski is offline  
post #9 of 24 Old 01-23-2006, 03:13 PM
better days
 
jesse6's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Naples Fl
Age: 27
Posts: 711

User is: jesse6 is offline
Send a message via AIM to jesse6
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

they are getting too long, short and to the point are the funniest ones.
jesse6 is offline  
post #10 of 24 Old 01-23-2006, 03:21 PM Thread Starter
Expletive Deleted
 
Chilloutski's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
Age: 32
Posts: 2,970

User is: Chilloutski is offline
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

Quote:
Originally Posted by jesse6
they are getting too long, short and to the point are the funniest ones.
I agree.

I think they go along the same lines as that one Family guy where the guy bashes his shin and keeps going "*deep breath*... Aaahhhhhhh...." about 10 times over.

Its funny.
Then Its redundant.
Then its STILL GOING.
And then its funny again.

Matt - 2.2 Litre absolutely-nothing eater.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TobyTheSandwich View Post
TVs are for losers. Real men whittle.

Chilloutski is offline  
post #11 of 24 Old 01-23-2006, 03:23 PM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Age: 33
Posts: 8,614

User is: dropt98chevy is offline
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

Chuck Norris went to and dropped out of the high school I went to
dropt98chevy is offline  
post #12 of 24 Old 01-23-2006, 03:24 PM
CHANGE YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS
 
pirranah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Age: 34
Posts: 8,856

User is: pirranah is offline
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

i don't know why, but i like the woodchuck one
pirranah is offline  
post #13 of 24 Old 01-23-2006, 03:28 PM
S10 *****'s Youth Pastor
 
LOOKIN4S10's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Stark City, MO
Age: 35
Posts: 679

User is: LOOKIN4S10 is offline
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

Subscribed.

Blessed be the Lord my Rock, Who trains my hands for war, And my fingers for battle. Psalms 144:1
1997 S10 Bagged/Bodied/20's. Currently with no Motor.

The Dime that Breaks Me LS1/T56 swap 5-4-13 http://www.s10forum.com/forum/f213/t...aks-me-516258/


LOOKIN4S10 is offline  
post #14 of 24 Old 01-23-2006, 04:26 PM
Registered User
 
93dime's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: VA/MD
Age: 26
Posts: 709

User is: 93dime is offline
Send a message via AIM to 93dime
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

When Chuck Norris was a teenager, he once impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the Himalaya mountains. 9 months later, the nuns all gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in NFL history


haah thats my favorite one but its not on the list

Name is Chad.

http://www.s10forum.com/forum/f143/my-bodydrop-273170/

red 93 s10 383 700R4..bagged...bodydropped in progress.
93dime is offline  
post #15 of 24 Old 01-23-2006, 05:10 PM
Have a nice day!
 
ProTouring2.2's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: NJ
Age: 27
Posts: 9,778

User is: ProTouring2.2 is offline
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chilloutski
I hate to burst your bubble, greenflame, But you can make all the claims you want, I still know the facts.

These were all Posted to a message board full of comedic geniuses (.. this may or may not be true, some of them are idiots) in a span of about 3 hours during the afternoon. The entire thread was dedicated to creating new ones, And I personally wrote about 10 of those.

Tell me, Which ones are recycled?
- To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer, Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer, only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.



- Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

taken straight from www.4q.cc/chuck


edit: both of them are on the top 30...
http://4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty


word for word, check for yourself

New whip: '90 240sx hatch with SR20DET and some other stuff...



Co-founder of the Anti-Bag Coalition
"Bags are for groceries"

Last edited by ProTouring2.2; 01-23-2006 at 05:16 PM.
ProTouring2.2 is offline  
post #16 of 24 Old 01-23-2006, 05:29 PM
The Der
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Lakeland, FL
Age: 34
Posts: 9,416

User is: dernoma is offline
Send a message via AIM to dernoma
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."

- Mike -
MIA
Florida Truck Scene
dernoma is offline  
post #17 of 24 Old 01-23-2006, 06:06 PM Thread Starter
Expletive Deleted
 
Chilloutski's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
Age: 32
Posts: 2,970

User is: Chilloutski is offline
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

Quote:
Originally Posted by greenflameS10

taken straight from www.4q.cc/chuck


edit: both of them are on the top 30...
http://4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty


word for word, check for yourself
I concede, Dude.

However, Neither of those were mine, But I called out the plagarism on the offenders of the other forum.

Douches. Heh.

Matt - 2.2 Litre absolutely-nothing eater.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TobyTheSandwich View Post
TVs are for losers. Real men whittle.

Chilloutski is offline  
post #18 of 24 Old 01-23-2006, 09:44 PM
Have a nice day!
 
ProTouring2.2's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: NJ
Age: 27
Posts: 9,778

User is: ProTouring2.2 is offline
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chilloutski
I concede, Dude.

However, Neither of those were mine, But I called out the plagarism on the offenders of the other forum.

Douches. Heh.
werd...don't **** with chuck

New whip: '90 240sx hatch with SR20DET and some other stuff...



Co-founder of the Anti-Bag Coalition
"Bags are for groceries"
ProTouring2.2 is offline  
post #19 of 24 Old 06-30-2009, 09:50 PM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Age: 23
Posts: 1

User is: Wannabe Comedian is offline
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

Well, I have never seen the following Chuck Norrisisms anywhere yet:

1: God is everywhere, except withing kicking distance of Chuck Norris

2: Brian Regan's last comedy special was "The Epitome of Hyperbole". I say the last because Chuck Norris takes the title as a personal insult.

3: Didn't you hear? The Most Interesting Man in the World was killed when he told Chuck that he already drank the last José Quérvo (or however you spell it) in the bar he just happened to be in.

4: **** you, Deep Thought! (hitchhicker's guide reference) Chuck Norris is the answer to everything!

5: December 21, 2012 is the date Chuck Norris gets really pissed off!
Wannabe Comedian is offline  
post #20 of 24 Old 06-30-2009, 10:01 PM
Registered User
 
DigitalSoCal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Foothill Ranch, CA
Age: 32
Posts: 4,071

User is: DigitalSoCal is offline
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

nice thread dig

-Jonny
DigitalSoCal is offline  
post #21 of 24 Old 06-30-2009, 10:04 PM
Oh shit....
 
CommanderKidUT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: The Moon
Posts: 33

User is: CommanderKidUT is offline
Send a message via AIM to CommanderKidUT Send a message via Yahoo to CommanderKidUT
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

Quote:
Originally Posted by DigitalSoCal View Post
nice thread dig
goes with the username i guess

I are returned.......
CommanderKidUT is offline  
post #22 of 24 Old 06-30-2009, 10:07 PM
Check your ground
 
556mm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 30,848

User is: 556mm is offline
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

*insert facepalm smiley*
556mm is offline  
post #23 of 24 Old 06-30-2009, 10:44 PM
Trust Me
 
The Griff's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Zegema Beach
Posts: 24,782

User is: The Griff is offline
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

Ss > Cn
The Griff is offline  
post #24 of 24 Old 06-30-2009, 10:55 PM
FUCK YOU
 
Wicked Mayhem's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: The Garage
Posts: 18,873

User is: Wicked Mayhem is offline
Re: Brand new Chuck Norrisisms, V2.01

roundhouse gets old.
Wicked Mayhem is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the S-10 Forum forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address.


Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome